Broadway Baby: My Life is Ruined

She won’t. stop. SCREAMING!

Yes, it is true. The movie no one wanted or even thought should ever actually be a thing is now indeed, a thing. Boy Parade is making a movie. A not just any movie. One that takes place (kinda?) on Broadway. That place is sacred, man, come on.

What we’ve gathered (once I calmed Violet down) is that Danny plays Billy (is that a Billy Elliot nod? Cuz it needs to not be) who flies to New York to become a Broadway star only to be rejected by everyone (art imitates life, you see).

So, he decides to write his own show with the help of older brother, Eric who plays Chris, supposedly. I swear to you, he is slated as “Chris,” but in one of the scenes IN THE TRAILER, they flat out call him Eric. Did no one notice? Does no one care? Is he really just too dumb to be able to respond to a fake name? My money’s on one, if not both, of the latter two.

Miles and Justin P play a Bert & Ernie type couple named Robbie and Ronnie… seriously… who are choreographers (honestly, if that right there was the whole movie…. I’d watch it).

And Justin T is a DJ (named DJ apparently? Is it a job, it is a name? Who cares!) who is enlisted for some reason or another for this Broadway show.

The main song (which I have already heard the 5 second clip way too many times for my sanity’s sake) is called “Boys on Parade” and, from what I can tell, it sounds remarkably like me gagging.

I know that Violet’s going to make us go on opening night, which means that we’ll be lining up by 7, as if someone were to be ahead of us. Her excitement is at dangerously high levels. I swear, I just saw her looking up colleges in New York (purely coincidental, I’m sure).

Well, until this monstrosity hits theaters and Violet stops talking (singing, screaming, etc) about it, I’ll just have to use this pillow to muffle my own screams. But, oh, are they of a different variety.

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